I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
