I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
