we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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