Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Porn is love you can see.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
