Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
