I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
