Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
