I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
