that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
