So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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