Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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