I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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