FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
