i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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