Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
