I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
