I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
