I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
