this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize