i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
