Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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