This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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