did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
