Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
