It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
