Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
