Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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