The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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