I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
