Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
