D3 body, D1 cock
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
