I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
