I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
