so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You peed on a flamingo?!?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
