We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
