i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
ugly people sure do ruin things
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
