I hate your face
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
