When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
sarcasm needs its own font
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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