turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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