Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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