today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
