after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
