Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
