We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
