its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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