I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
