id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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