he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
