my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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