Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
