i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
