Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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