Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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