My hand turned me down
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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