Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
