this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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