So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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