It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize