i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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