He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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