At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
