Sponge bath it is.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
