i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
