definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize