she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
