i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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