It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
A+ Viking dick
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
