Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
