lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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