I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
