My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
