we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize