It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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