She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
