I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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