Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
