dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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