Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
