Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
