I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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