she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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