I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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