Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
