Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
