When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
