I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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