they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
