I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
