My room smells like vodka and shame
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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