I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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