Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
