shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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